USED SIGNATURES

The last one is current.

1. If it was only a three-hour tour, what were they doing with all that 
luggage?

2. In another version of the story, it was Zeus, the god of the sky, who 
kidnapped Persephone; and the couple jet-setted from party to party, while
Demeter wept for her daughter. Winter comes because the girl forgot her 
mother's wise words: "Don't eat airline food."

3. Heard in a dream: "In 1928, twelve horned owls were released near Kankakee,
Illinois. Ten were successfully tracked by military aircraft. Two escaped: 
This is their story."

4. In a clinical test of the placebo effect, what do you give the control 
group?

5. There's probably a special place in Hell for the bad guys who get killed
by James Bond.

6. "Good morning, Mister Phelps. Your mission, should you decide to accept it 
. . . (etc.) . . . As always, if any of your IMF agents are caught or killed,
the Secretary will make fun of you."

7. When somebody tells you, "I'm the sort of person who . . . "---Well, maybe
he is, and maybe he isn't. What you do know is that he's the kind who
*says*, "I'm the sort of person who . . . "

8. Similar sounds: oboe, English horn.
   Similar scents: coffee bar, dead skunk.

9. At this moment, dozens---possibly hundreds---of hackers either have in 
hand or are developing sophisticated viruses, which they will release on
New Year's Eve.

10. History is a conjuring trick that mankind plays on itself.

11. If a hundred monkeys are put into a room with a hundred typewriters,
they'll eventually be asked to review an NSF proposal.

12. Seriously, don't you think that the reason for modern music's 
characteristic `abrasive' sound is that all of the good tunes have
already been used?

13. Angels have no illusions about human nature, but they are prone to
certain subtle misconceptions.

14. "All men by nature desire to be clean." ---Aristotle, `On the Properties
of Washcloths'

15. "They call me `the Canadian Zorro'."
    "I didn't know you were Canadian."
    "I'm not."
    "Then why do they call you `the Canadian Zorro'?"
    "I'm not Zorro, either."          

16. A conversation with my son:
    Me: "But if it is lunar insertion, pickles might cry."
    Tom: "Good point."

17. Truth is a literary device used to create verisimilitude.

18. "Modern man is a hard-working human." 
                ---Ed Wood, `Glen or Glenda'

19. "Up till then, I was `more sinned against than sinning',"
he said. "But I got even."

20. From a Vanity Fair interview with Philip Glass---
    Interviewer: Which talent would you most like to have?
    Glass: Musical talent.

21. "The exotic dancer is secured."
            ---from `Mars Needs Women' (1967)  

22. "Dressed in strange clothing and wearing an unusual helmet,
     he represents a new order of life."

23. The six words that changed my life: "Try not to be so disgusting."

24. If Burlington, Vermont, had a super-hero, what would his special
power be? His weakness? His name?

Would his heroism extend beyond the city limits?

25. A memo begins, "I am pleased to report . . . " Bureaucrats are 
often "pleased", but they are never, never "pleased as Punch".

26. "Be approved money-changers."
            ---Jesus Christ (attributed)

27. "Amongst the unhappy delusions of mankind is the belief 
that a dispute can be settled by a debate."
                  ---Steven Runciman, 'The Eastern Schism'

28. "Die Welt ist wie ein betrunkener Bauer. Hebt man ihn auf einer 
Seite in den Sattel, so fällt er auf der anderen wieder herab."
                  ---Martin Luther 

29. "An illusion so real it will fool the most dedicated fan." 

30. So-so movies usually look better on a second viewing, because my 
expectations are lower.

31. List the twelve steps of Celebrities Anonymous.

32. "For when I am come home I must commune with my wife, chat with my
children, and talk with my servants. All the which things I reckon and
account among business forasmuch as they must of necessity be done, and
done must they needs be, unless a man will be stranger in his own house."
                   ---Sir Thomas More, Preface to "Utopia" 

33. "Harvard can count on enough bright kids willing to 
sleep on thin mats of straw to go there. That's Harvard."
                               ----President Daniel Fogel